Long time no post.
To bring everyone up to speed, after working up to 60k long runs prepping for the Great Canadian Run, I wrecked my foot bad late last July and spent about 3 months hobbling around in recovery, riding my bike and feeling sorry for myself.
Fast forward to December, my brother dared me to run the Peterborough Half-marathon with him, and I accepted on the basis that he ran the Around The Bay 30k Classic with me. He accepted.
Which brings me to today.
I can’t stand running.
I hate it. I really do. I tried so hard to love it, to find some joy in it - a wisp of happiness that I could use to carry myself forward, even if for just one more step.
I’ve regretted every single step I’ve ever taken while training to be a runner.
I mean, I’ve had a couple of proud moments along the way - a lift of euphoria when I realized that I’d left the house on a Sunday night to run a marathon, by myself. I crossed the imaginary finish line in my head and then kept going for a few more kilometres back to my house. I think the dogs knew something was up, but there were no crowds cheering and I never bothered to share the milestone with anyone else.
But the running itself, its painful. I always come back feeling like absolute shit. I’ve taken to the habit of dosing with NSAIDs prior to and after a run just so that I can walk around the house after a run. I thought it would go away, I thought I would grow much stronger, but it never really happens. Sure, when I was running 40-50-60k long runs last summer, it was easier than the 10k runs I re-started with in October. But I’m not really getting any better - not in any competitive sense anyways.
Here’s what I mean. I ran my best 5k at about 5 minutes per km. I think I might be able to do 4m 40s. But that’s about it, and I certainly couldn’t sustain that pace for much more than 6-7k - maybe for 10k at the outside. My best marathon time last summer was a 6m 30s per kilometre pace.
To run a 3 hour marathon, I need to run at an average pace of 4m 16s per kilometre for more than 42 kilometres. In an infinite number of universes, I doubt there is one where I can run a 3 hour marathon.
Yeah, yeah. I hear you. All I need to do is commit to the training and the results will come. Problem is, I’m just not good at it and I’m not enjoying it. I’d rather be on the bike.
So, after AtB this weekend, I’m hanging up my shoes. I will continue to run my 5k-10k fitness runs and I will do it because I know it makes me a better cyclist, not because I’m deluded into thinking I should be a better runner.
I think its for the best. And who knows, with my expectations properly in check, maybe I might find some joy in running :-)